Controlled Chaos

x OMG A BUNNY

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 23:55:44 +0800

x

OMG A BUNNY

I JUST DID!!! 1UP Retreat <3 <3 <3

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 23:51:13 +0800

I JUST DID!!! 1UP Retreat <3 <3 <3

yourmadam: in Mapua!! :) TWO YEARS AND ONE TERM TO GO.

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 23:50:39 +0800

yourmadam:

in Mapua!! :)

TWO YEARS AND ONE TERM TO GO.

Meet the six insane young ladies I lead to Jesus through...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 23:32:00 +0800

Meet the six insane young ladies I lead to Jesus through discipleship (excluding the leftmost girl, Justy.)

I love these girls to bits, and I’m glad that God entrusted them to my care and mentoring. I vow to protect and nurture them in their walk as Women of God. And I’m extremely proud of these girls for getting baptized last April 14 :)

From left to right: (Justy), Jazel, Ceara, Kiel, Midori, myself, Hannah, Cess <3

My Testimony

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 15:16:46 +0800

(I shared my life story written by God during the 1UP Jzone Makati Retreat. God used this story to bless a lot of people, so I thought of sharing it to even more people outside the retreat. Thus, this post.)

Good afternoon. My name is Isis Reyes. I was born into a Catholic, middle-class family. I was very spoiled when I was young and was everybody’s “baby doll” as I was the youngest among the entire extended family, until I was about age 4 when my sister gave birth to my first nephew. After which everybody’s attention turned from me to him. I got very envious and began to starve for their attention. I remember even pushing the baby off the bed to get my sister’s attention, but ended up getting punished instead. Around 5 years later, my sister gave birth to a girl this time. Now instead of having just one kid to push off the bed, I had two. And instead of having just one boy to steal everybody’s attention, I now have a girl who would become the new family baby doll.

To make matters even worse, my father who was the only one left in giving me all the attention I wanted, decided to leave for the US. I was devastated with the idea, especially since I was daddy’s little girl. I pretended not to care, but the longing for attention and material supplication overpowered my heart.

By the time I entered my teen years, this longing had become so intense that it couldn’t be fulfilled anymore by my family members. Friends weren’t of much help either, as I was always being bullied in school and didn’t really have any true friends. This was when I started seeking my wants in the opposite sex. I began entering one short-term relationship after another, all of them kept secret from my family. By the time I entered 3rd year high school at age 15, I had already had 7 boyfriends and more or less 5 flings. I enjoyed the attention that guys kept showering on me, with flowery words and sugar-coated actions. But somehow it didn’t feel enough. This was the time when I decided to finally take a relationship “seriously.” I got back together with one of my past relationships, and it felt so heavenly that I knew this was it — I started planning our wedding, choosing baby names, and imagining that dream house on the prairie. Everything seemed perfect…or so I thought. Just a mere two months later, we broke up for no apparent reason. I found myself crushed and alone, and then I started to doubt God. I asked Him, “Lord, if you really love us, then why do bad things happen to us? If you really wanted the best for everyone, then why isn’t the best happening to me?” I became depressed and the questioning turned into complaining, which then turned into absolute disbelief. At this point, I concluded in my mind that God didn’t exist.

For about a year, I went on living my life with this philosophy in mind. I lived my life the way I wanted to. I continued with the relationship streak, with around 20 short-lived relationships. The simple longing for affection soon turned into lust — God knows what horrible things I’ve done with the men involved. And when I wasn’t in a lustful relationship, I became addicted to pornography. I was indulged in the pleasure this lifestyle brought to me, and I didn’t care what anyone said about it. After my last hook-up which ended horribly and broke my heart completely, I found myself even more depressed. I felt even more alone than I originally was, and found myself drowned in alcohol at least thrice a week. Each morning after a night of drunkenness, I’d be pale as snow from vomiting. And my addiction to pornography continued with this vice. Every time I’d finish indulging in these sinful activities, I’d find myself feeling even lonelier than before. But as much as I tried to get back up, the darkness overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t get out of the seemingly bottomless pit I had fallen into. My grades spiraled downward, from being part of the first section to becoming one of the 20 lowest students of the batch.

Senior year then came yet I still clung to the idea that God didn’t exist — until a certain occasion when one of my best friends and I were hanging out in the campus after class. One of our batchmates, Johann, was also there hanging out alone for no apparent reason. So we decided to stay with him. We talked about summer vacation and all those typical small talk conversations, then for some reason we ended up on a debate on the existence of God. Johann told me how God loved us so much that He gave Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. I countered his idea with philosophical and scientific arguments, but his gentleness prevailed. He even told me that even if I was engulfed in sin and loneliness, God will never leave me and will be the one to pull me out as long as I am the one to come to Him. Did I mention I didn’t tell him anything about my depression and addictions? His statements shocked me, and I decided to just look for a lame excuse to leave.

His words kept ringing in my ear for the longest time though. After months of pondering, I then decided that I wanted to come back to God and get rid of the shadows that were overpowering my life, but I was jut too humiliated. I felt unclean, unworthy to show my face to Him after everything I had done, after everything I had said against Him. I knew something was pounding in my heart and pushing me to surrender to God. I even felt someone patting my shoulder, telling me that everything was going to be alright the moment I turned around and left my heartaches. But my pride and sinful nature still overcame the urge to come to the Lord.

More than a year later, I was invited by a friend to attend a praise and worship event. In that same night, I found myself crying my heart out, telling to Lord how painful and depressing my life was, and how much I wanted to change the direction I was going. Johann’s words echoed in my head as tears continued to flow from my eyes. At that point, the burden became far too heavy to carry. At that point, I let God take over. I closed my eyes and in a brief and sincere moment, I gave up doing things alone, living life my way. At that point, I placed my faith in Jesus, receiving Him as my Lord and Savior and decided to make a 180-degree turn from the life I was living. In the same moment I surrendered my life to Christ, I felt a huge load being removed from my heart. It was as if Jesus had taken my baggage and made it into His own. I knew that He had already overcome it for me, by dying on that cross 2000 years ago, saving me even before I was born. I suddenly felt happy for no reason, and I couldn’t stop smiling the entire night. The moment I got home, the first thing I did was pray to God and thank Him for giving me such an amazing peace.

And here I am today, now probably one of the most active servant-leaders here at Jzone Makati. God has provided me with a family of believers at CCF Makati that provide me with all the love, care and affection that I long for. I am now in love with studying the Bible and knowing more about my Redeemer. I also long to share everything that I have learned so far, which I will now be able to do as I start handling a Dgroup. My story is strangely parallel to that of Saul (which can be found in Acts 9), and just as God was able to use him greatly for His amazing plans, I long to see where God will take me in my walk with Him.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” This has become my battle cry as I march forward in the Lord’s name. Although I still stumble and fall sometimes, I continue to trust in Him and He remains the only One who can put me back on the path of righteousness. I am not even close to perfection, but I have been washed clean of all my past filth by the blood that was shed on the cross by Jesus.

Again, my name is Olivia Isis Reyes, a former atheist, an imperfect being made righteous by the grace of a perfect God. To God be all the glory!

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven’t been able to post the second part of Getting Over You....

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 12:41:17 +0800

Hey everybody! Sorry I haven’t been able to post the second part of Getting Over You. I’ve been really busy with school and ministry and some family matters. Expect it some time next week. Thanks for the support! xoxo

I just read your getting over you series. Quick side note, I'm not on my personal tumblr, but I will make a note to find you on it. I loved the getting over you post & can't wait for the next one! I'm currently realizing how much I shut out and didn't deal with regarding breakups and it's been a bit of a struggle, but I must say that helped me get started. :)

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 23:40:38 +0800

I’m glad to hear that! A lot of us actually don’t realize how little effort we put into moving forward. We think of it more like an overnight thing wherein we wake up the next morning and suddenly feel nothing for the person, when in fact it’s an extremely long and enduring process. I always like the quote “The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” I sincerely hope and pray that the first step you just took will really jump start your thousand-mile journey to becoming better inside and out. :) God bless you! Hugs and prayers <3

Hi Olvia! I just wanted to thank you for that last blog post. I'm Catholic and I've been hung up on this guy for a while. I've asked for advice countless times but it hasn't really gotten me anywhere. Your words have inspired me. It's get to hear advice from a Christian point of view. I look forward to hearing the next steps! ;) Love & hugs!

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 23:37:11 +0800

Nice to hear that! I’m really overjoyed right now that you were blessed by these words (or more appropriately, God’s words spoken through me). I’m sorry if the next steps are taking forever to come out, I’ve been really busy lately. I will post the next one soon! :) hugs! I’ll be praying for you. :)

Y U SO NEAR YET SO FUDGING FAR

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 00:26:49 +0800

I don’t know? Hahahahaha.

anong message mo sa mga dati mong crush mo na di ka pinansin dati? eh sa mga ex mong hindi ka pinahalagahan? :))

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 00:26:32 +0800

Dear whoever-you-guys-are,

I thank God that I went through those difficult moments. It sounds ironic right? Well, I believe that those trials were the flames that refined me and made me into the person I am today. If it wasn’t for those hurts, those pains, those heartbreaks, I never would’ve realized how much God loves me and how much He brought meaning into my life when I came to know Jesus Christ. Thank you for being a part of my life even for just a brief period.

Sincerely,
Me.

I just read you post in getting over a relationship. I just wanna say that reading it was the best thing ever. I am currently trying to reconnect with my faith, Christianity, but I am having a hard time finding and feeling Gods presence in my life. I know I don't know you personally and this may be awk, but how can I connect with God. Sorry if this is weird but I am kinda desperate

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 00:23:32 +0800

First off, Praise God for your openness!! :) and thank you for the compliment, although I do wanna say that those words came from God and not my own wisdom.

Anyways. Like what I said in my post, the only way God can work in your heart is if you truly let go. So you really have to surrender your whole heart to Him and let Him take control of your entire life. Be open to Him about your struggles, your fears, your pains…everything. And when you acknowledge how weak you are without Him, that’s when you’ll start to feel His presence again. :) If you drifted away from God because of a relationship, then it’s high-time you took a 180-degree turn (probably for the nth time in your life). Jesus is simply waiting for you to come back. And don’t be scared or feel ashamed towards God because of your faults. He is very merciful and will forgive you if you repent wholeheartedly. :>

Surrounding yourself with fellow believers is the next step, and I’ll be talking about this in my next blog so watch for updates if you wanna find out more.

I hope I got to help! I’ll be praying for you. :)

"Getting Over You" [Step 1]

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 22:48:28 +0800

Prologue: Hello, my name is Olivia. I’m writing this blog series because I want to be able to help other people who are going through a tough time of pain or loss regarding romantic relationships. I intend to look at it from a teenage Christian girl’s perspective, and base it on everything I’ve learned from God’s Word and from fellow believers. I hope you enjoy reading every installment of this series. I’ll make it as relevant and practical as possible. :)

Step 1: Admit Defeat
Having a broken heart is probably one of the worst feelings in the world, especially in the area of love and romance. I myself have gone through a whole lot of ups and downs and tornadoes in this aspect and the hardest part, I have noticed, is usually having to move on after a break-up, after being friendzoned, after rejection, etc. It hurts, but there’s nothing we could do to change the situation even if we want the other person so badly. So how exactly do you get over it?

The first and probably the biggest step you’re gonna take for this process is admitting defeat. You have to acknowledge the fact that it’s over, that you can’t change it even if you wanted to, that it’s never gonna happen. Of course you can still have that tiny gleam of hope and keep praying for it, but holding your pride and pursuing the person when you know there’s zero chances will only pull you deeper and deeper into a mud pit of pain.

Admitting defeat doesn’t necessarily mean declaring that you’ll stop pursuing or feeling anything for that person. It is simply recognizing the fact that as of now it may seem impossible. It is also acknowledging that you may have diverted from God’s will for your life by pursuing this person. It also includes continuously praying for God to heal you and to help you mend this broken relationship.

But as you pray, keep in mind Mark 11:25: “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins too.” This means that first you have to let go of the bitterness and grudges that we are holding against this person. God can only help you if you let Him into your heart. Yet how can he get in if it’s occupied with hatred, anger, bitterness, pride, jealousy, and all this negativity? You simply have to let go of it all and know that God will be the one to work mightily in your relationship.

The first step, as I have said, is the biggest and most challenging step in this whole series. But once you let go, you’ll find that God will show you how much you missed out on His good, pleasing, and perfect will for you, and you’ll soon see that His love is the only love you’ll ever need.

"I’m done with trying to adapt myself to your tastes, waking up every morning and the first..."

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 21:31:09 +0800

“I’m done with trying to adapt myself to your tastes, waking up every morning and the first thing on my mind is “I gotta look good when he sees me.” I’m done with wearing flats when I want to be in high heels just because you like shorter girls. I’m tired of frustrating over my hair and face ‘cause I never look good enough compared to her. You wanna know what else? I’m sick of crying every single night because I can never have you. If you’re not fighting for me, then I’m not fighting for you. Don’t wanna talk to me? Fine, then I won’t ever talk to you again. I hope you enjoy the path you’re taking.”

- From my broken and aching heart.

Tulang Walang Titulo.

Fri, 01 Mar 2013 22:02:24 +0800

Umagang umaga,

Ikaw kaagad ang nakikita.

Tingin mong nakakatunaw,

Parang mundo ko’y gumunaw.

Masakit mang isipin

Na di mo ko mamahalin,

Andito parin ako

Tuluyang nagmamahal sa’yo.

Matang pasulyap-sulyap,

Utak lumilipad sa ulap,

Tibok ng puso’y kay bilis,

Nanginginig ang kamay na makinis.

Minamahal kitang talaga,

Kahit di mo nakikita,

Kahit hindi mo napapansin,

Kahit sa simpleng pagtingin.

Balang araw magiging tayo,

Nararamdaman ko ito.

Lahat ay gagawin ko,

Maging sa’yo lang ako.

Zero Motivation

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 23:57:29 +0800

Back in my High School days, I was the typical average student. I would do homework if I felt like it, cram my projects near the deadline, fall asleep in class a lot, and get low to average grades.

For some weird reason, the moment I stepped into College, I suddenly wanted to always be on top. First I aimed to be a Dean’s lister. It didn’t happen, though I did get a scholarship after my first term. After that I started aiming to become a Cum Laude when I graduate. There are still times that I fall prey to sleeping in class, or to the temptation of procrastinating. But I swore to myself that I will do everything I can to make sure I graduate in 3 years, and that I will get that award whether or not it kills me in the process.

Now I am lying down here in my comfortable little bed, hugging my teddy bear, staring at my Sociology book, wondering why I am even doing any of this. I see no reason for me to aim so high. For self-satisfaction? Oh, I attained that when I passed the UPCAT. Self-worth? I had way more self-worth before I got into College and realized that it’s barely possible to pass in Mapua. Sayang tuition? Maybe, but money is money is money is money. If you have money, then you have it, if you don’t then you don’t. Reputation? My reputation is the extremely lazy but smart gamer girl, so I see no connection with reputation. Career? I believe that being cum laude has nothing to do with your career path.

So why am I still awake and attempting to make something beautiful out of a dull little essay? Maybe I should just go to sleep and stop this madness.

Suffering Servant

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 22:17:33 +0800

When people first see me, their initial impressions are usually “mataray” (snobbish) or “maarte” (picky). What they don’t realize is that I have a heart far softer than cotton, and am easily affected emotionally by certain situations. I easily get attached to people, easily trust them, and come to love them even over a short period of time.

There is this group of friends I have that I have fallen in love with (no malice, not romantically, just as brothers and sisters) over the short period of 7 months that I have known them. I never thought that they would be my closest friends during my stay in Mapua, but the unimaginable happened – they not only became my closest friends, but also my second (or third or fourth IDK) family. Because of this extraordinary attachment I had with them, I made a vow with myself that I would look after them and help them out in their times of need, just as they were there for me when I was my lowest.

Amazingly, an unexpected event happened today – God gave me the opportunity to demonstrate my love and His love to one of the members of the group. This particular person was one of the people who helped me get through the bad days by making me laugh. He was also the one who always lent me a laptop so I could play. We weren’t that close, but still I treated him as I treated the others: as family.

I was startled as I got to our “tambayan” and saw that the person mentioned above was writhing from excruciating stomach pain. He could barely stand up. As a concerned little sister, I asked him what had happened. Apparently he hasn’t eaten anything since God knows when. I then felt a burden to lend a helping hand, like there was a weird force pushing me to grab my wallet. Since I had a bit of extra money, I decided to buy him something to eat. He ate it then went to sleep afterwards. I silently said a short prayer for God to ease the pain. A few hours later, I thought that maybe he might be hungry again, so I rushed to 7-11 before going home and bought him a little snack – at least something to get him through the evening. It warmed my heart to see a tiny glisten in his eyes as I shyly handed him the food. Of course, he didn’t expect that someone like me would be concerned about him. As I went home I couldn’t stop smiling from the thought that I was able to reach out to someone, even in such a tiny way. If I were my old self at that moment, I probably wouldn’t have given in.

The reason for this post’s title is Matthew 20:27-28 which says

“27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

The only thing going through my mind was that I was doing this not for my own satisfaction, not to bring glory to myself, but because I wanted to serve others. Jesus suffered on the cross for my sake, so I want to also serve others even though I know that it’s gonna cost me a whole lot materially, mentally, and that it’s gonna be messy – but definitely, the reward will be many. (I got these from Kuya Ickhoy’s “The Cost of the Cause”) I served him with the purest of intentions, and by doing so I felt Jesus emanating from me. (Hopefully they saw that! Haha)

Thank you, Lord, for that wonderful opportunity. I hope that I got to help him out even just a little bit. Sana po ‘di na siya makaramdam ng pain. ♥ AT SANA PO MATUTO NA SIYA KUMAIN SA TAMANG ORAS.

"Ask me a question!!! #bored"

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 19:35:39 +0800

“Ask me a question!!! #bored”

- ask.fm/OliviaReyes

lovequotesrus: EVERYTHING LOVE

Sun, 23 Dec 2012 19:38:58 +0800

lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE

What do you do when everything you've worked for, when the one thing that can save you, vanishes in the blink of an eye?

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 19:08:04 +0800

NAWAWALA THESIS KO. (in English, MY THESIS WENT MISSING.)

How did it get lost? It was accidentally left in a taxi.

I stood in shock when I noticed that the folder containing all the documents I need for English 11 (Research) wasn’t with my stuff. I strictly recall that I had it when I rode the taxi. But why wasn’t it there when I got home?

I cried, and wept, and screamed for fear. All those documents needed to be submitted before lunchtime tomorrow — that was the final allowance that our professor had given us. But now it was all gone. Did I mention that Anne and I worked day and night on those files for 3 days? (It was because the two of us split from our original group just a few weeks ago, and we had to catch up with everything that needed to be submitted.)

A few minutes later, I suddenly realized something — I still had enough time to start over everything. And the good part is, I had kept all the typewritten documents in my computer. Of course, I’m gonna have to spend on printing reproductions. I also have to buy a new folder. There’s also a small chance that she’ll ask me to float the questionnaire again. But hey, that’s not too much work now, is it? If we were able to do it in 3 days starting from scratch, we can do it in one day starting from the middle!

Another good side to it all is that I really needed to edit the thesis either way. Maybe it was all part of God’s plan. He knew that I would have trouble editing, since I would be too heartbroken with the thought of wasting paper on reprinting the whole thesis — He just found a way for me to reprint it without having to feel sad. :) thank you, Papa God! :))

I am optimistic. I will finish this. If I have to stay awake all night just to do so, I will.

Hey guys! It’s been a while since I blogged something of...

Mon, 15 Oct 2012 20:23:03 +0800

Hey guys! It’s been a while since I blogged something of worth because I’ve been really busy with school and all, but I wanna take this opportunity to invite all of you to watch the FUSION Concert. :) It’s one of four events that CCF Makati is holding to celebrate our first anniversary. I’d really appreciate it if you can come and invite your friends as well.

When: October 19, 2012 at 7pm

Where: CCF Makati (3/F A. Venue Mall, Makati Ave., Makati)

How much: TOTALLY FREE!

Why should you go?:

We have a lot of special guests.
Some of the most awesome people ever (aka my best friends: SAM AND JAEL!!! Woooo!) shall be playing.
“The gwapo” Gino Ong will dance with us!
I SHALL BE DANCING ONSTAGE. I think this is the only reason you need! =))

So! I hope to see you there! :D you can message me for other details.